Weird Dreams

Had the freakiest dream last night.

Last night for the first time I dreamt of my late Grandmother since she died more than a decade ago.

Grandma and I never got along so it's no wonder that the dream was not pleasant. I remember a violent argument where she strangled me and I kicked her.

Well, that somewhat describes our relationship. It never got physical, but you can say that Grandma was the very traditional controlling matriach of the family. Of course that didn't sit well with me, especially during my rebellious teen years. We'd have the worst arguments and curse each other like sworn life enemies.

I guess Grandma hated me because I embraced the Western way of life and turned my back on her more traditional Asian ways which to me was archaic. I was also not as pliable as my brother (no wonder he was the golden child, gender notwithstanding), the only member of the family who dared defy her, in fact. Well, someone had to stand up to that old witch, I thought at that time.

"Don't try to start a revolution," Dad used to warn me. He was just trying to keep the peace. So I decided that if I can't change her ways, fine. But I will NOT bend to her will.

It was a relief for me of sorts when she died. As sick it may sound, my thoughts when that fateful moment arrived was "The bitch is dead. I'm free!"

Free to embrace Jesus, something I had wanted to do ever since I was a child.

Free to cook some Maggi noodles in the kitchen without a pair of eyes watching my every move like a pair of spy cameras.

Free to add as much extra ingredients to my noodles from the fridge without someone doing a stock take after that.

Free to eat my lunch in peace without someone sitting beside me reciting exactly how much every ingredient in my lunch costs.

Free to basically live my life the way I want without her putting the blame on my parents for what she sees as my shortcomings.

I just hope I don't turn into a bitter old crone like her during my twilight years. It's sad, to be holding so tightly to old beliefs when the world is always changing.